How to Help Someone in a Domestic Violence Situation

It can often be very difficult for a woman to even recognise she is in an abusive relationship, never mind talk to someone about it. However, if you suspect a person is experiencing domestic abuse, please do not ignore it. You can support a friend by following these useful tips.

Begin the conversation

Below are some suggestions on talking with someone in a constructive way. These bullet points are for guidance and not all of them have to be used. Use your discretion.

Approach her in an understanding, non-blaming way
Explain to her that you are concerned for her or that you are worried
Give her time to talk; don't push her to go into too much detail if she doesn't want to
She may deny that her partner is being abusive, do not pressure her to admit it
Tell her that she is not alone and that there are many women like her in the same situation
Tell her that no-one deserves to be threatened or beaten, despite what her abuser has told her
Acknowledge that it takes strength to trust someone enough to talk to them about experiencing abuse

Let her define what she needs

Be a good listener
Allow her to make her own decisions, even if it means she isn't ready to leave the relationship. This is her decision
Also, be aware that leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time for a victim
She is often the best placed to assess her own risk
Tell her you want to help. Ask her what you can do to support her?

Provide information

Be ready to provide information on the help available to abused women and their children
Read more about the services that are available
Explore the available options with her
Help her find her nearest domestic abuse support service
Support her if she wants to contact them
If she has children, talk to her about their safety
Encourage her to seek support if she feels the children are being affected by the situation

Be there as support

Ask if she has injuries or needs medical help
Offer to go with her to the hospital if she needs to go
Help her to report the assault to the Gardaí (police) if she wants to
Go with her to visit a solicitor if she is ready to take this step

Safety plan

Create a safety plan
Let her create the boundaries of what is safe and what is not safe
Don't encourage her to follow any plans that she is expressing doubt about
Offer her the use of your address and/or telephone number as it might be safer than her own

Finally

Look after yourself while you are supporting someone through such a time. Ensure that you do not put yourself, or her, into a dangerous situation. For example, do not offer to talk to the abuser about your friend. Do not let yourself be seen by the abuser as a threat to their relationship.

Contact a service near you.

McColl Hinesself